How To Change Your Negative Thoughts

Those pesky negative thoughts

Self-condemnation

Have you ever felt like your negative thoughts control your life? Do you ever feel like your dysfunctional past is predicting a dim future? Have you ever felt like you just can’t seem to forgive yourself for the mistakes of your past? Do you blame yourself for your current tumultuous relationships? Have you ever said something like, “If I could just do better then things might be better?” or “I will never do anything with my life, because of the bad things I have done?” This type of self-condemning talk will drive you crazy and get you nowhere fast.

Reframe

If you answered yes to any of the previous questions then it’s time to re-frame and re-think! Start by asking yourself, how do these thoughts make me feel? Devalued? Discouraged? Hopeless? Desperate?

Let’s talk about 5 ways to change your negative thoughts so that you will no longer feel broken and defeated but rather successful and in control. I have an acronym that helps me sort through all these CRAPPY thoughts and we will get to that in a second.

Do not believe the lies

First, let me say, I can totally relate. I have been there and sometimes STILL find myself believing those ridiculous negative thoughts and lies. That little voice in your head that says, “See, I told you so.” or “Serves you right!” or “You will never be able to be anything or help anyone. You are a screw up!” or “You are just not pretty enough, or smart enough, or rich enough.” Y’all all of those negative thoughts swirling around in your head are straight up LIES! These thoughts may be sourced from our childhood, society, significant others, or our own perfectionistic personalities. Either way, they do not add value to our lives in any way, whatsoever.

Unfortunately, when we allow those thoughts to ruminate, it renders us ineffective and feeling stuck. I mean, think about it, do you really FEEL like making any changes in your life like starting that new business, or leaving that toxic relationship, or going to therapy, or getting your health under control, or whatever your dream has always been, if you are subjecting yourself to those self-degrading thoughts? NO! We HAVE to take control of our minds before we can make the changes that are absolutely necessary for our future.

You MUST change your negative thoughts

Nothing will change if we don’t change our thoughts.

Let me say that again! NOTHING WILL CHANGE IF YOU DON’T CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS! Your negative mind-chatter and demeaning beliefs are devastating on many levels.

Are you experiencing anxiety, depression, weight loss or weight gain with no specific medical reason? Have you been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease? I was able to “reframe” my diagnosis and you can see how I did that in my post 5 Reasons Autoimmune was the best thing that happened to me. Maybe your overall outlook on life just simply sucks, to put it bluntly. On a grander scale, are you stuck on a mental hamster wheel that keeps you unmotivated, uninspired, and feeling like you were meant for so much more but just can’t see how to make it happen?

Girl! You ARE meant for so much more, just in case you were doubting even that.

Dream sister!

Just a few years ago, I read a book that helped me see how many of us have allowed things, people, and circumstances to get in our heads and keeps us from becoming all that we were created to be. The Dream Giver written by Bruce Wilkinson is an easy read and I highly recommend this to anyone who needs a “reset.” It will help you to see the bigger picture and HOW those stinkin’ lies keep us from living our dream and becoming our true potential.

Now, I don’t mean that everything is always rainbows and unicorns, Ms. positivity at all times, and denying reality. We have GOT to be authentic and see our CRAP (for lack of a better word.) But what I am REALLY talking about is TRUTH. Holding those lies and negative thoughts up to truth.

T-R-U-T-H

The sieve of truth

You have to filter your thoughts through truth. Think of a sieve, you know those sifters that separates the big clumps of flour from the fine parts? Think of the clumps as the “truth” that stay on top of the sieve as everything else slips through. You know that acronym I was telling you about earlier? This is how we can change our negative thoughts, by sifting them through T-R-U-T-H.

T-R-U-T-H

Test the thought. Put it through a rigorous line of questioning. Is it true? Can I do something about it? Can I control this? Am I guilty of contributing to any of this?

Reality. What is the reality? After you ask yourself if it is true, write out what IS true. THIS is the reality.

Understanding. Give yourself some understanding both by “cutting yourself some slack” and doing your due diligence. If you need to make some changes then do it, and if you’re not ready then give yourself some grace and understanding.

Trust yourself and your gut. Oh my, this was a big one for me. I was conditioned for so long to NEVER trust my instincts. It seemed so foreign and I still struggle with this one. Over-analytical, perfectionistic minds will drive themselves crazy with this one, but just get quiet and still and listen. Listen to that inner child. She is your truth.

Heal your mind. This takes time and effort, but it is the game changer when it comes to controlling your thoughts. Read everything you can get your hands on when it comes to changing your thought patterns and healing from toxic relationships. Take time to reconnect with nature. Learn how to meditate. Read Scripture. Listen to positive uplifting music. Give your mind a break. We allow our bodies to rest but our minds are still at work cleaning and sorting even as we sleep, so taking a concentrated effort on quieting your mind is absolutely necessary.

Example of how to change a negative thought:

Negative thought: “You aren’t qualified to ________________. ” (fill in the blank for your circumstances)

Test. Is it true? NO (Ask the other questions when applicable.)

Reality. I am certified, trained, and have experience.

Understanding. I can see why I would have a thought that I am not qualified based on my past or insecurities, however, I give myself understanding and acceptance as to where I am on my journey and therefore will be able to point others in the right direction.

Trust. I trust myself that I will do my due diligence and give 100% to my clients. I will do the research and the work that needs to be accomplished in order to deliver what I promised.

Heal. I write. That is my healing. I will write out what my heart knows so that my mind will follow. (Sometimes that is the other way around, the heart needs to follow what the mind knows.) My mantra regarding this negative thought:

“Why do you doubt your ability? You have experience, knowledge, and passion. You care and this is your purpose. Don’t be overwhelmed with what you don’t know. You will figure it out and be amazing helping others find true freedom AS you find it yourself.”

You are in charge of your thoughts

Who is in charge? YOU ARE!

Go get a book about healing from your past.

Get online and research programs to help move you closer to what you want.

Find a therapist. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, CBT, is one of many practices that can help in therapy.

You are in charge of your life

Take control of your life. Really, I should say, take BACK your life. You do not have to be miserable and hopeless allowing your thoughts to dictate your life. There is hope and you have a destiny. I truly believe that our thoughts control our feelings and our feelings control our actions. When we take our thoughts captive and sift them through T-R-U-T-H, we can have peace of mind and the dreams in our hearts. Our thoughts control everything and you are in control of your thoughts and your life.

Here are a few resources I recommend:

The Dream Giver

I’m ok, your ok

Getting past your past

This 3-part documentary is extremely eye-opening regarding childhood trauma and abuse.