Stuck in fear when making decisions?

Fear is crippling when making decisions

If you are anything like me, being stuck in fear when making decisions will sometimes paralyze you from actually making any decision at all. Overcoming the fear of making the wrong decision can be challenging. You may go back and forth in your mind analyzing and over analyzing every single step. The worry of the “what if’s” will drive you (and others around you) crazy! Take heart, there is hope. One of the many great things my therapist taught me was, “The good thing about decisions, you can always make another one.” Sounds simple enough, right?

Yes, BUT…it’s not always that easy.

Being stuck in the fear of the unknown

Life is hard. Making decisions is harder, especially when struggling with the fear of the unknown. Women typically need a certain amount of security, whether that is financial security, emotional security, relational security, or whatever it is, it is a basic need for many of us. The challenge comes when we are unsure of the RIGHT path to take, the RIGHT choice, the RIGHT response…and on and on. My overactive mind will over analyze every scenario and then second guess even the simplest of decisions. It is EXHAUSTING!

Being stuck in fear causes analysis paralysis

Now, just to be clear, some of this fear and struggle stems from our personality. There is definitely a place for us analytical thinkers out there AND we are totally justified in questioning and “over analyzing” certain really big decisions, (like divorce, or ending a relationship, or a move, or a job change, etc.) Mostly though, for me, it is just plain ole’ fear keeping me from stepping out into that uncertainty.

Why you are stuck in fear

Trauma can cause fear and a need for certainty. Trauma is so complex and multi-faceted. We must understand that trauma can range from a teacher in school saying something negative about you in front of the whole class. Or trauma can stem from an abusive childhood, or relationship, or a car accident, or being a witness to a crime. Trauma can cause us to be stuck in fear when making decisions.

C-PTSD

This trauma can cause conflict when making decisions. Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) and PTSD are the results of some sort of traumatic experience. Arielle Schwartz, PhD, writes in her book The Complex PTSD Workbook, A Mind-Body Approach to Regaining Emotional Control & Becoming Whole, “If you were neglected or abused as a child, your primary orientation to the world is likely to be one of threat, fear, and survival.” This results from trauma in dysfunctional relationships and causes an insatiable need for security and certainty.

So to help me overcome this fear I want to share with you some tips I’ve learned…

5 Tips to help when stuck in fear from decisions

1. Make a list.
   • I find that when I get all the pros/cons out of my head and onto paper, I create more mental space to think clearly. So whether it is something really big like ending a relationship or deciding on which Christmas tree to buy (yes, it was a whole process for me) Either way, write it down, get it out.
2. Walk, stand, or sit in the grass barefoot.
   • Y’all, for real. I am positive you may get sick of me “preaching” this, but getting outside and being “one with nature” does wonders for your physical AND mental health. Grounding or earthing is one of my favorite things to do.
     • There is a whole science behind this but basically you are standing or walking barefoot on the ground for at least 15 minutes. The electrical charges in the earth help to neutralize any negative effects from toxins and “push away” electromagnetic fields (EMF’s). EMF’s are frequencies/waves from phones, TV’s, radios, watches, computers, etc. and these little suckers are extremely damaging to our bodies down to the cellular level.
     • In a blinded pilot study, researchers found significant benefits to earthing. Using a carbon fiber mattress attached to the earth surface, participants slept throughout the night while “grounding” during sleep. Results: relief from asthma, PMS, chronic inflammation like rheumatoid arthritis, sleep apnea, and so so much more. I also use the oil Grounding for help with this as well.
3. Meditate.
   • Again, there is so much research out there about the benefits of meditation. The mayo clinic has a great article on these benefits. Regarding our topic of decisions, meditation helps to clear the mind clutter, freeing up mental space. For the longest time, I felt so much push back when it came to meditation because of my religious background. There was such stigma surrounding meditation, but when I did the research, I realized the many health and STRESS benefits, so I gave it a try. Now, I LOVE it and practice it daily.
4. Talk therapy.
   • Talking with a friend, spouse, partner, or family member and using them as a sounding board can be extremely helpful. This is where they can help you to see a different perspective or potential pitfalls. Sometimes they don’t even have to say anything because you have “talked” it out enough to see the clear decision that needs to be made. Even if you don’t have someone who can be your sounding board, talk to yourself in a mirror or on a voice recorder. Just speaking it out loud helps to sort through it all.
5. Find a Life Coach/Therapist/Counselor
   • Everyone needs one. Seriously! I don’t know where I’d be without my therapist. There were times that I remember thinking, “She is my life-line.” Friends are great, family is great, but a therapist or life coach has training and experience. They will ask you all the right questions to help you come to a decision, without making the decision for you. I say that because I can’t tell you how many times I said to my counselor, “I wished you would just tell me what to do!” Ha! She would say, “If I tell you what to do, then it’s my decision, not yours and this has to be your resolution.” Such great words and I am so very grateful for her.
   • Side note:
     • I went to five different counselors before I found one that I resonated with, so if you don’t feel like they are helping you and challenging you then move on but don’t give up.

Getting unstuck from fear

Ultimately, making decisions can be difficult for anyone, but for those of us who have experienced childhood trauma or abusive and toxic relationships it seems to be more challenging. Understanding yourself and your struggles is essential when making decisions. Give yourself grace and time and understanding. But more than anything know that you have everything you need already in you to make the right decision.