How to Accept Your Feelings

Accepting Your Feelings Is Vital to Your Healing

• Whatever you may be going through, acceptance is key.
• If you’re going through a divorce and your lawyer calls to say “The final decree is set for ______ (date) ______ (time).” If you have a family member who has been given a fatal diagnosis, if your are finally realizing that your relationship is toxic, or if a family member has let you down for the uptenth time…accepting however you may be feeling at that moment is vital.

Don’t question how you are supposed to feel? What if you feel nothing? Or what if the sense of relief causes so much emotion that you burst into tears? What if your heart feels like it is going to implode because you never thought this day would come? What if your sad because your family is dissolved forever? What if… What if… STOP! Put the brakes on for a hot second.

Accepting your feelings is a crucial part of your healing.

Whatever you feel, THAT IS OKAY! It is all about accepting those feelings.

At this point, you may be thinking okay I get it, but let me just say one more time…whatever you feel; sadness, anger, relief, or absolutely nothing. IT IS OKAY! My gosh if you are anything like me, you question everything, even your feelings. UGH! The over-analyzing gets so exhausting sometimes. RIGHT? Regardless of the feelings you are having, just feel it, own it, sit with it awhile. Allowing our emotions and feelings to just BE is important for many reasons. Verywell mind explains the importance and purpose of our emotions in their article The Purpose of Our Emotions.

Accepting Anger

When it comes to the situation regarding divorce, if you are angry or frustrated that it has taken so long, or angry that your life doesn’t look like what you thought it would at this point, or angry that it seems as if everyone looks at you as the reason for the dissolution of the relationship (injustice at its best), or angry that what you thought would feel like freedom actually feels like you stepped in a big-fat cow-patty! It’s okay!

Funny side note: In the Lakota language (form of Siouan language from the Sioux tribe) cow manure or cow patty can be referring to “broken promises or lies.” Now there’s a little bit of irony for ya! Many times our anger over something is because of either broken promises from others or maybe even broken promises that we have made to ourselves.

Accepting Sadness

If you feel sad that you are saying goodbye to a dream of what you thought your life would be like, or sad that from this point forward, every holiday will never be the same (and if you lived with a narcissist or in a toxic family, that is a good thing,) or just sad and don’t really even know why, that is O-K-A-Y too. Sometimes our feelings don’t emerge until later. I have delayed emotional onset. (Just made that phrase up, but it’s true.) It’s as if my emotions have to catch up with reality and that takes a day or two realize what’s happening. This often occurs for people with C-PTSD from years of trauma and abuse. I wrote more about this in the blog Stuck in fear when making decisions.

Accepting Fear

If you are going through something devastating like divorce. What if your scared? Scared that now all the responsibility lies on your shoulders. The financial obligations, the endless decisions, and if you have young kids, the enormous amount of guilt or just plain overwhelm that you may feel now that things are….FINAL…again, that’s okay.

Feel all the feels and begin accepting your feelings.

Accept her

Well, my point is that whatever you feel, it is okay to feel it. If you are angry, then be angry! If you are sad, then cry! If you are scared, then go through all the scenarios that you are afraid of and get it out there. (Fear LOVES to hide in the shadows, it gives it more power.) This is you accepting your feelings. Expose it to the light of reality and truth. If you are not sure you feel anything, then hold space for yourself in that moment, day, or week, however long it takes for your heart, mind, and soul to reconnect and you to actually feel something, anything. (Feeling numb is a C-PTSD effect of trauma.)

Love her

Tell yourself that it is okay to feel whenever you are ready and that you will be waiting and it will be safe. Talk to your inner child and let her know you are there for her when she is ready to express her feelings. This may seem a little strange but acknowledging our inner-self is a HUGE part of your healing.

Move on

We often criticize ourselves for FEELING a certain way or reprimand ourselves for not feeling what we think we should feel (good gracious it really is emotionally and mentally exhausting.) I am positive I am not the only one who does this! Am I right? But whether it’s our upbringing, our religious background, or just simply our over-analyzing personality, I want to be done with that condemnation. Whose with me?

D-O-N-E … done!

Don’t shame her

I see that boney-scrawny little finger pointing in my face saying “shame on you.” I hear that condescending voice that whispers in my ear, “What will others think?” And interestingly enough, I sometimes feel guilt. Guilt slithers his head in and says, “Shouldn’t you feel something?” “Shouldn’t you be sad?” “Shouldn’t you (this)?” “Shouldn’t you (that)?” Y’all it can be torment, mental anguish. BUT girl, when you listen to those thoughts and feelings and evaluate them in the light, sifting through them like a long-bearded ‘ol timer panning for gold, we can move past it, grow from it, heal through it, and learn to stop it. Acceptance and AWARENESS is everything. You will hear me preach about awareness till the day I pass from this earth. Awareness, enlightenment, consciousness, acceptance whatever you want to call it, IT is the best!

What NOT to do when trying to learn to accept your feelings:

So, don’t bury your head in a book, unless it is one like this or this to help you understand all this craziness, or binge-watch every episode of “Dead to Me” (GUILTY,) or drink till you don’t feel anything, or even cry to your BF. Girl, NO! You have got to feel every emotion. Accepting these feelings is crucial to you moving on. You have got to learn to sit down with your inner child and allow her to feel or be whatever she needs to be in that moment. And speaking from experience, you cannot do that when you’re zoned-out and ignoring your emotions. Be loving and kind to yourself, your inner being, your inner child, love and accept her for how she feels, no matter what.

What TO do when trying to learn to accept your feelings:

Here a few key things to do when accepting your feelings and become more emotionally aware:

1. Go for a walk in nature (I honestly cannot express the importance of this!)
2. Meditate (my absolute fav) Word of advice: Make sure you turn off all sources of communication, no tv, no radio, and no annoying pinging cell phone notifications! For all you nerds out there like me here is a super good (but long) video with all the dets about meditation and mindfulness.
3. Do Breathing exercises or yoga (there are tons on youtube but this TEDx talk is eye-opening) Subscribe to this dude! I’m learning so much!
4. Brew a cup of Chamomile tea and write it out (here is some research behind the actual writing that helps your brain to process) Keep in mind that there are some caveats to writing it out. I will be posting about this soon. Stay tuned and make sure you are subscribed to this blog.
5. Take an Epsom Salt bath with Lavender oil (check out my fav oil brand)

The benefits of accepting

In the end, the goal here is to allow yourself to feel whatever it needs to feel, but here’s the kicker, you have to ACCEPT IT, EMBRACE IT, AND DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES JUDGE THAT FEELING! Girl, you are fine to feel whatever you need to feel and then release it. Let it go sister. We do not need these little stinkers to get lodged in our bodies somewhere only to haunt us in our future in some form or fashion. (For more nerdy info, read this for evidence behind certain emotions being linked to cancer.) No Way! No Thanks!

The benefits of growing

“BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE!” Not only is it beneficial physically to acknowledge, allow, and begin accepting your feelings and stuff, it also gives room for emotional intelligence (EI) growth. It’s all the buzz these days haha. Click here to read more about EI. Oh there are so many benefits to accepting who we are and what we feel BECAUSE acceptance brings about change and growth! I have written a whole post about this here. Check it out!

To sum up all these ramblings…

When things are over, whatever you feel is okay.

Acceptance and awareness are your best friends.

Take care of your inner child and love her back till you see her become confident and emotionally stable.

However long it takes, be patient with yourself. I still have so so so much healing to do. It is a healing process that may take a life-time, and to be honest, I prefer it that way. It gives me time to… “Accept.” Ahem!